Some TikToks that have broken my brain recently
I haven't stopped thinking about these since I saw them
It’s been a while since I wrote in this newsletter! It’s very much turned into “when I remember and am feeling it.” But as I said in a TikTok a few days ago, the way I’ve managed to stave off burnout from posting videos on TikTok has been to only post when I am excited and energized; the second I force it, I will be a goner. I’m going to take that approach to this newsletter, and work to not judge myself for what ends up being months off. Hope you’ll do the same with your own stuff! Also— I’m not accustomed to writing anymore, since I graduated college years ago, but I want to use this newsletter to practice that a bit, so what you’ll see below are my thoughts with no pressure to “write well”. Telling myself that writing how I talk counts as writing soooo…
Let’s get into it! Here is my list of a few TikToks that have really made me think, as well as some stream of consciousness about what comes up for me when I watch it. If you have thoughts, please comment or email me! Would love to hear from you.
Thought provoking TikToks I’ve seen recently that have made me feel like 🤯:
Video 1: How embracing conflict is a sign of intimacy in relationships
This one read me to absolute filth, because I realllly struggle with this, particularly with friends. Historically, I have prioritized avoiding an awkward encounter over standing up for myself and being honest with friends. There have been thoughts I’ve avoided sharing with them around: communication style, money, life choices etc, there have been so many instances over the years where my people pleasing tendencies have pushed me away from that honesty, for the sake of not having to talk about the hard thing. What this person says in that video is essentially that avoiding those types of conversations— those, “hey, I feel weird about the way you said that,” or “I really wished your boyfriend didn’t come because I wanted alone time,” or “I get really overwhelmed when you text me multiple times a week”— is a sign that the friend isn’t actually invested in the friendship. That saying those hard things, and being honest, is the level of vulnerability required in that friendship, because it shows that I trust you with my words and my thoughts and feelings. And not saying those things shows a lack of trust or truthfulness.
Now obviously my intention is not to LIE to friends when I don’t say those things, and I think most of my friends would understand my discomfort around confrontation is not intentional, but rather related to upbringing etc. so it’s not about victim-blaming here, or blame at all honestly. The idea that friends would not just be ok with me speaking my truth but would expect and demand it as part of my bargain in the friendship (as the video conveys) reallllllllly sticks with me. The framing of, every time you say one of those hard things you are investing deeper and deeper into that friendship, warms me, even as it scares me. So, cheers 🥂 to saying hard things and leaning on our friends to remind us that they welcome and appreciate those moments of honestly (and the reality is, I know that my friends would. I know that they are introspective, thoughtful, kind people. Obviously this is a different situation if you don’t trust that your friends can receive your truth. But I do— so now it’s on me to just utter…the…words). And if you’re my friend reading this, GET READY hahahahah.
Video 2: In this day and age, it’s really hard to do something for the FIRST FIRST time.
This video really made me think: the idea that we have seen videos, articles, images of the majority of things that we will do or experience or eat or see so much so that nothing is genuinely a NEW experience— even if we haven’t done it yet personally. I had never considered that before and I think there really is truth to that. Unless you’re doing something like traveling to Antarctica or like, flying a plane yourself, something that most people will not have access to, you will have seen it done before? I mean even those examples— we know what Antarctica looks like, we know what it looks like to fly a plane from the cockpit (I love watching pilot POV TikToks lol…) Is there anything we can do in this day and age that we have not seen or heard about someone else doing for the first time already? To be honest, it feels like the only real things are indigenous cultures’ practices, things that are now practiced by such small numbers of people and in insular communities that we might not have ever had exposure, or even know exist, if we don’t have a connection. (See: my video about the Sami people in Sweden and all the things I learned about that I didn’t know existed).
I don’t know, this idea sort of depressed me. But then I thought of a few of the new things I’ve done recently, that yes I had *seen done before* but that still felt very much new:
Ceramics class
Improv class
Both of those classes were a month-long each, so multiple sessions with the same group and instructor. While I had seen both being done before, sitting behind that moving pottery wheel, and standing in front of the class to literally make up a dialogue, felt VERY NEW. VERY SCARY. It was physically putting my body in new situations that while maybe not entirely visually unfamiliar, still felt viscerally unique and different.
Would love to know if you did, saw, experienced, ate something recently for truly the first time!
Video 3: Having a conversation is basically just freestyling.
Ok I don’t know why this one landed so much for me, because it’s inherently a simple concept, but Harry Mack, one of the coolest freestyle rappers, compared having a conversation to freestyling. When we talk to someone, we don’t know what they’re going to say next. We don’t know how, in turn, we will respond. We are riffing in real time. We might use some lines that we’ve heard before: “it’s an honor to be here, thank you” but we are manipulating them in a totally new context. Something about this really hit. Because you can apply it to public speaking, or to networking, interviews etc…. we talk so often, all day; what’s to say we can’t just channel that casual energy into the conversations that are really important or high stakes for us?
Video 4: Parenting in Spain vs the US
I genuinely wonder if I’d be more interested in having kids if I lived outside of the US. I’m not 100% committed to not having children, and I also can’t imagine having to (what to me feels like) pause so much of my life to make room for the kid/s. So I found this video really enlightening: in Spain, parents drink at the bar (that is attached to the park, WHAT) after school while the kids play, the parents bring the kids in the stroller to fall asleep while they go out with their own friends. It really does, as the creator mentioned, stem from Spain centering the village and America centering the insular, nuclear family. She also mentioned how Americans don’t really hang out with their friends during the week, especially if they’re parents (a generalization but I think there’s some truth to this) because they are tired from work and just come home to be with their nuclear family. Just gets me thinking about how our American prioritization of work is at odds with the Spanish conception of work (I can only speak to this anecdotally, so correct me if you disagree) but the culture isn’t nearly as work-centric as the US. Think of the siestas. Can you IMAGINE businesses shutting down for rest during the day?!
Hope you found these interesting! Do you want me to do more wrap ups like this? Was this a readable format?
Also— if there are any TikToks or articles or podcast episodes that you consumed recently that have lingered on your brain or in conversations you’ve had, PLEASE SHARE! Comment or email me!
Thanks everyone :)
Miriam
The one about parenting is so so so depressing. I would love to be a parent but as an American I feel like it would be a mostly miserable experience because we have to do everything alone without much support. I have a good education and a good job and can barely support myself as it is, I can’t imagine a kid in the mix
The friendship tiktok is AMAZING!!!